Z (scat729) wrote in yourstarnot,

how strange it is to be anything, at all.

you ever get that feeling of "where the fuck did i go wrong?" or "what the hell am i doing?"

my life seems like a cycle of bad decisions and mistakes, yet i lack regret of any kind. i mostly live by the motto that if it made you happy at the time, you can't regret it.

my thoughts bother disgust me. i feel guilty just for thinking about things. not like dirty things, but just certain things. i feel guilty for things i've never done. i feel guilty for other's actions.

i don't like light. i'm not quite sure why. my room is always dark. i never open my window shades unless my mom comes in and does it. i never have lights on unless i'm doing math hw on the floor. i thoroughly enjoy darkness, but i'm not quite sure why.

i love to be around people. being alone makes me feel very paranoid/insecure/lonely(duh). i'm not one who can spend a friday night in their room contently.

i hate the idea of choice. which is ironic because though i love to be in control, i want someone else to make my decisions for me, just as long as they're what i want, or at least what i think i want.

i hate how people tell you things that you either don't want to know, or that because you do know, make you wonder about other things.

i hate wondering if i made the right choice.

i love knowing that i did.

i hate when you have what you want, but other options arise which make you question it.

i want to be decisive.

i want to be confident, not socially, but in decision making.

above all, sadly enough, one thing i truly crave is love, i would love to be loved.
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